My kitten is why I’m always late for things

Initial plan of action:

• Take socks out of cupboard.
• Put on socks.
• Take boots out of cupboard.
• Put on boots.
• Do up boot laces.
• Go to work.

Estimated time: 2 minutes

Reality:

• Take socks out of cupboard.
• Fend off opening parry against socks.
• Give up socks as a lost cause. Decide socks shall now be Decoy Socks. Sorry socks, some troops will need to be sacrificed.
• Sneak second pair of socks out of cupboard whilst distracting kitten with Decoy Socks.
• Realise the mistake of selecting a bright pair of socks for Second Pair of Socks (SPOS), which are now more interesting than Decoy Socks.
• Carefully pull first of the SPOS onto feet, maintaining eye contact with kitten. Do not blink, kitten will know you are afraid.
• Kitten has now managed to get his claw stuck inside of SPOS, which is also inside the skin of your right foot. Ow.
• Help kitten remove claw from foot and SPOS, ignoring recriminating look and telling him he deserves this.
• To preserve dignity, kitten now feigns interest in Decoy Socks. Use this crucial moment to start pulling left sock onto foot.
• Nope. Kitten now interested in SPOS again.
• Abandon left SPOS to kitten as a casualty of war. Whilst thus distracted, unbundle one Decoy Sock and pull onto foot. Now have mismatched socks.
• Realise kitten is an asshole.
• Pull boots onto feet.
• Boots have laces.
• Fuck.
• Tie laces, somehow, with kitten firmly attached to them. Accidentally tie his foot into laces. Kitten hisses at you and runs into the other room because clearly you are a monster.
• Re-tie laces.
• Feel moment of victory.
• Investigate suspicious quiet from other room.
• Jesus. I’ll clean this later.
• Go to work.

Actual time: 25 minutes

Sure, you think he looks cute now. Wait until he wakes up.